Autism, Mickey and the Mets

It's My Pity Party, and I'll Cry if I Want To...

2010-07-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

Ever get the feeling that life has swallowed you up, and left nothing but the expectations and needs of those around you? That you have ceased to exist, and have become instead what others want/need you to be? Ever get the feeling that you were going to write a blog post so overly dramatic, so self-absorbed and full of cliches that you wanted to vomit?

Me too. So here's mine.

Today is one of those days where I am feeling all of the above. I spend my days existing for the needs of my life. Consider:

Go to work, spend eight or ten hours listening, advising and supporting my clients. Each of them need something from me - desperately - and depending on if they know what it is or not, my job will be either difficult, or virtually impossible. Every minute I am with a client, I am on - completely out of myself and my own needs, and thinking only of what's best for the client. I am very good at my job, which makes it so much harder on me as a person.

Spend those few minutes between clients fielding texts from hubby, daughter, son's workers - can I go to the movies? When will you be home? Where are my sneakers? Can you call son's therapy office for important info? Please pick up milk and diapers on your way home?

Finally, a couple of days off! I lounge in bed for an extra few hours - gotta get some "me" time somewhere - then back on the mommy/wife/daughter/clinician bus. Calls to insurance companies, medical providers, son's own social workers. Laundry. Scrubbing toilets. Food shopping. Reschedule client's appointments - "I can't come in Monday, I'll just come by on Thursday". "Uh, no, I'm not in on Thursdays". "Well, what do I do? My schedule isn't flexible". Oh, so mine is supposed to be? You're not the only one with a schedule, sweets.

Pick up autism-related clutter around house, don't even think twice about the lollipops stuck to our sheets and the army of Disney characters lined up on the kitchen counter, nor the fact that we are still buying diapers for our 10-year-old. Replace batteries in the latest assistive communication device that son may or may not use. It's OK, the mom of an autistic child doesn't blink at stuff like this.

Field phone calls from Mom and brothers about the latest medical crises that seem to befall only our mom - she's a trouper, and stronger than she thinks, but she needs our support every step of the way.

Finally get some time to be "me" - escape a little. Read a book (my passion). Watch the Mets (lose). Read some of my favorite blogs, Tweeters. Try not to feel guilty that I am not spending the time with my family - they need me. *Sigh*

OK, so I need time to be me. Do things that I like, not just things that are good for all of us. Socialize with people I like, not just those that are involved in my life. Try to plan a dinner with some of my favorite moms - all are busy, living their life as I do. Discuss a possible Mets road trip with some fellow bloggers/tweeters - good chance it'll fall apart. Someday I'll meet these funny, bright, passionate women. Maybe a trip with just hubby and myself? Well, who's gonna watch the kids?

Oh, forget it. Money's tight, anyway, tuition's due. Car needs repairs. Backyard needs re-sodding.

Ok, end of pity party. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I adore/cherish my husband and kids, and I love that they need me. Same with my job. I created this life, with eyes wide open, and don't regret it for a minute. Once in a while, though, I'd like the freedom to be just me.

Till next time...

"And The Ships Will Escort Him In"...

2010-07-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago today, hubby and I welcomed our beautiful son into the world. Amazing how it happened, but that's another story. Suffice it to say at one point we were sure he would make his entrance on the New Jersey Turnpike. We made it to Columbia Presbyterian in time, though (barely) and there he was. Perfectly formed, screaming like a banshee, and we were immediately in love.

Late the next day, July 4th, we drove our new family home. Big sister was in awe of the new addition, and a little apprehensive of her place in our family setup (not to worry, we assured her, she was still our baby girl). As we made our way over the George Washington Bridge, a flotilla of ships passed underneath - huge sailboats, war ships; all flying the flag proudly to honor our country's birthday. As we stared in awe at the sight, hubby commented "See that, Chris? You're a special baby. All these ships came out just for you."

Yes, he is special indeed. Happy birthday, love.

Confessions of a Softball Widow

2010-06-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows my husband knows his passion for men's softball. Did I say passion? I meant obsession. Almost as soon as he stopped playing baseball as a teenager he started playing in the local men's modified-pitch leagues, which were your typical Sunday afternoon beer leagues. I played the part of supportive wife, videotaping his games (with the 15lb camera - this was the pre-digital age) and making nice with the other wives & girlfriends. One league soon turned into three, and he began to play three to four times per week. Then the travel teams started. Again, I didn't mind so much as we had no children, and I was able to go with him to such exotic locations as Salisbury, MD and York, Penn. Woohoo!

I really did enjoy watching the games, as a former player myself, and cheered right along with them as they won. I loved the fact that those teams were mostly cops and lawyers, with the cops generally being the better athletes (of course...). Some of SI's more illustrious legal minds (including a certain pair of brothers who were well on their way to becoming famous & successful sports agents) fighting it out with teams that boasted felons and slackers...fun for all!

Then the kids came, and accompanying him on road trips became tortuous. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, with a child running a fever and screaming for home? Do that a few times and it's time to give up the traveling.

So for the past few years, he spends his summer weekends off with the boys, and I am home...with the kids, laundry, cleaning, etc. Not that I'm bitter. Not at all. What I've done is developed some strategies for managing our time alone, and even enjoying the peace of not having hubby around for a few days. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Play the martyr card...my dear, wonderful in-laws will ask about my weekend plans...I mournfully state that hubby will be away. Dad will exclaim "Again??" and immediately offer to babysit so I can get out.

2. Shop. Nothing like spending hubby's money to give you some measure of revenge...

3. Guilt. "But hubby, you've been gone all summer, and I was so lonely...I think I need some time away also...a weekend with the girls at the outlet malls should make me feel better..."

4. Enjoy the quiet. Nothing like getting the kids to bed and realizing there's no TV on, nobody talking to me about the team's latest New Zealander pitcher...I get into bed with a good book and exhale...

I love that hubby has something in his life that he loves, is good at and has become famous for (a reporter from a national, mainstream publication once chased him for two years to get his story). He comes home to us happy and satisfied. It's worth it. Mostly.

Go Gremlins!

Disney Dining...or...Can We Get Chicken Tenders There??

2010-05-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, I had seen this post on the Disney Blog about dining, which made me think of all our experiences in Disney's wonderful restaurants.

If you've been to Disney, you know that getting reservations for table-service dining can be difficult, as the restaurants fill up quickly, especially those that offer character dining. You need to call far in advance of your visit to get the seating you want, especially if you are visiting during a peak season. Daddy Disney has this down to a science, to the point that, six months before our trips, he gets on the phone with Disney Dining and schedules nearly all our meals. We end up debating for a few hours where to eat, with him pressuring us all the way. "Hurry! These spots aren't going to last long! Crystal Palace or Hollywood & Vine?? I've got to call tomorrow!" Good thing for him, otherwise we'd be eating in counter-service spots the whole trip...

Our list is comprised of a mix of kid-friendly and more elegant, expensive restaurants. Our boy loves the character spots the most, and doesn't care about the food, as long as it's chicken tenders and fries (he's taken the whole autistic-obsessive eating thing to a new level). Luckily, Disney's restaurants are pretty flexible, and if chicken nuggets aren't on the menu, the staff will go to the nearest restaurant/food court and get them from their kitchen. That does not happen in NY restaurants. In fact, we've only been denied once, and that was by Shula's (in the Swan & Dolphin). We actually had to beg for french fries, and that was only because we saw someone else eating them, after we had been told they could not accomodate us.

Our list takes into account other factors besides the food, such as location, theme and service, and is in no particular order:

Cinderella's Royal Table - Magic Kingdom. My personal favorite. You're eating in Cinderella's Castle, what more could you want? The food is great too, as are the Princess and her mice.

Whispering Canyons Cafe - Wilderness Lodge. Our daughter's favorite, the wait staff there is of the "insult and scold the customers" type and she just loves when her dad gets yelled at for drinking his milkshake too fast. Food is fair.

Jiko - Animal Kingdom Lodge. African specialities in a gorgeous setting. Hubby is not an adventurous eater and was not looking forward to it. He found a steak, though, that he just loved. Evening saved! Their "Zebratinis" (similar to a white chocolate martini) pack a real punch, as I found out the hard way. Food was terrific.

Crystal Palace - Magic Kingdom. The character buffet, right in the heart of MK, is hugely popular (and not because of the food, which is passable). Pooh and friends dance and sing, and that makes this one our boy's all-time favorite.

Yachtman's Steakhouse - Boardwalk. The first restaurant we went to, on our first trip to Disney after our daughter was born. Wonderful steaks, white glove service and classy ambience. Perfect without the kids...!

Teppan Edo - Japan, Epcot. Hubby had been there numerous times (without me, sadly) until our last trip, when we snuck out without the kids. Very good hibachi, they also have regular table service. Fun eating with strangers, and the chefs are reliably funny & skilled.

Narcoosees - Grand Floridian. Located right on the lagoon, the views are spectactular. We spent our 20th wedding anniversary there with our kids and in-laws, and the food was amazing. Perfect view of the MK fireworks, if you can get a reservation during the show.

The Plaza - Magic Kingdom. The little restaurant behind Edy's Ice Cream, just off Main Street. Really good sandwiches and burgers in a quaint, quiet little room.

Grand Floridian Cafe - Grand Floridian. Great food in a quiet corner of the gorgeous Grand Floridian lobby. Unpretentious but elegant, we love the great burgers and their pork chops are amazing!

Coral Reef - Epcot. Odd choice for us as we don't eat seafood! The restaurant is placed alongside the enormous aquarium that makes up the Sea pavillion, and watching the fish, sharks and rays swim by while you dine is an experience our boy loves. The non-seafood choices are terrific, and we are told, so is the seafood! The last time we were there, we requested our usual chicken tenders before being seated. The manager came out and asked if they needed to be prepared a certain way, then gave us the best table in the house when we explained about our son. Now that's how to care for your customers!

There are many more restaurants we are longing to try, and that may make it onto future lists...California Grill, Victoria & Albert's (may have to take out a second mortgage for that one) Le Cellier, Citrico's, The Wave...and the list goes on.

What are your favorites?

Mets Fans as Masochists Part 2

2010-05-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

The other night, hubby and I managed to sneak out to the movies (thanks to our girl watching the boy). Halfway through, my phone rings. It's a client in crisis. I spent some time talking to her before advising her to go to the ER. Never an easy thing to recommend; the psych ERs in our area are less than stellar. In this case, there was no choice. So, upset and worried, I got into the car with hubby for the ride home. He puts on the radio (which is usually tuned to sports station WFAN) and we proceed to hear all about the Mets' tough loss earlier that night. My mood went from upset and worried to positively black. Any sane person would've turned off the radio at this point, right? Forget all about it, get on with life. We're Mets fans, though, and sane does not apply. We had to listen to all that went wrong during the game, analyze what Jerry did wrong, moan about the lack of clutch hitting (same old story). We allowed ourselves to wallow in the torture of the Mets season thus far, which is basically the same as seasons past - the talent is there, but is not performing up to expectations.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we are Mets fans, that's why. It's what we do. Arrugghhh...
Till next time!

What's in MickeyMets' Handbag?

2010-05-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

Some of the blogs I enjoy visiting are written by people I have little, if anything, in common with. That's the beauty of the internet, in my opinion; it enables you to get a glimpse into the lives of people you probably never meet in real life. One of these blogs is jewish girl in wasp's clothing which is written by an adorable 25 year-old living in Manhattan. Our lives couldn't be more different (except that we both live in NYC) but I find her funny, honest and entertaining. She had written a post a while back detailing the contents of her handbag, and I drooled over not only the handbag (a Prada) but the clean organization of the contents.

I have been bragging repeatedly over the above bag that my sweetie gave me for my birthday (after I obsessed about it for months, he finally caved and bought it for me to shut me up, I think) and as I dug through it today to find something, I was suddenly appalled by the difference between JGIWC's bag and my own. My only excuse is that I have kids. Is that a good enough reason to have bits of chocolate, crumpled receipts, broken pens and hair clips littering the bottom? It'll have to be.

Among the items cluttering up this beautiful purse:

The (left) arm from the Iron Man 2 figure courtesy of Burger King's kiddie meal;

A crushed, sprinkle-covered chocolate pretzel (wrapped) that my daughter didn't want and I am saving for a chocolate emergency;

A ticket stub from last years' Mets vs Cardinals game at Citifield;

Bank deposit slip from February 2008;

An expired Claritin tablet (could've used that yesterday for allergies);

A note from son's occupational therapist recommending a workbook I've never been able to find;

Straws;

Empty lip balm;

Mickey Mouse wallet & makeup case (are you seeing a trend here?)

Name and address of a professional organization that I will contact and join... someday...soon! I swear!

A coupon for paper towels

Oh, and the other thing JGIWC and I have in common - Starbucks napkins!

Till next time!

The Birthday Post

2010-05-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were a kid, and your birthday meant a day full of celebrations and special treats? Cupcakes in class, birthday punches from your friends, your locker decorated by your girls?

Being a grown up means none of that. Being a grownup means you don't get a day off from work (yes I'll be at work for 10 hours, seeing 11 clients) and you don't get to dress down, as daughter will be able to next week on her birthday (few things excite her as much as not having to wear her uniform to school - not that I blame her). It's not all bad, though. Being a grownup does mean that I can choose to sleep in before work, treat myself to Starbucks, and skip the laundry for a day. I'll take my little presents where I can get them, thank you very much.

I do also get a trip to Citifield for Autism Awareness Day. First game for us of the year! Could I ask the Mets to give me a win? PLEASE??? One 8 game win streak does not a winning season make, guys.

So as I tend to do every year, now is the time I look back on my 40+ years (not that many +'s, mind you) and see where I stand with myself. You know - the regrets, the accomplishments, etc. Sort of a yearly performance review. This year I'll do it here, to give my hubby more ammunition to make fun of me with!

Added to the crows feet around eyes - check

Grey hair multiplying - check

Added some interesting medical diagnoses to list already in progress - check

It's OK, I've earned it all...

So much for the physical achievements! Onto the professional...

Learned that the requirements for the state certification I worked so hard for 15 years ago (not to mention the very difficult, expensive master's degree I needed to obtain) have changed. I am no longer able to practice independently, and must be appropriately supervised. So I go from being the supervisor at my last position to the supervisee at current one. Thank you, NYS Board! I can't wait to work another two years, making little money, then take another certification test. Not that it's all bad, I love my current job and my supervisors are among the best in the field, as well as great to work with. So it's all good. Really.

Watching my baby brother, who entered my field in part because of me, far surpass me professionally and be well on his way to the doctorate I always wanted so badly. And being surprised to realize I am nothing but proud of him, and am OK with the choices I made - having a family - which kept me from doing the same.

Learning that it's OK to ditch a job where respect, fair pay and reasonable responsibilities are not in the employee's handbook.

And how about some personal growth!

Does this happen after age 40? My professional knowledge and personal experience says yes. So I am now at the point on my life where I can be open to new friendships (including some blogger/twitter ones!) and can better appreciate and participate in old ones. I can also appreciate where I am now, and can congratulate myself on being a survivor - of raising a profoundly disabled child, of living with and loving a law enforcement officer during some of the most horrible times in this city's history, of watching someone you love dearly battle cancer twice, and of losing a parent, close friends, and my youth. I have become an activist, a fundraiser and a parent of a teenager (I think the parenting a teen thing is the hardest!). I am a role model and a concerned citizen, a writer and a student. Wow.

And yet, sometimes I still wonder what I'm gonna be when I grow up...

Oh, and I can't forget - I am a Mets survivor, too. They haven't killed me yet, and my fandom is hanging tough.

Onto the next year - wonder what this one will bring?!?

The Joy of Disney

2010-05-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

This is one reason why we love Disney so much...look at the joy on our boy's face!

Hang in there, sweetie, November is coming...

Autism Awareness Day at Citifield

2010-05-02T11:46:00.001-07:00

Obviously, this thrills me beyond words. The Mets are celebrating Autism Awareness Day at Citifield next Saturday, May 8, as they do every year. We have never gone, due to the logistics in getting to a game, but this year I made it a birthday request (my big day is May 7. No, don't ask my age). There is no way our boy could accompany us, as the noise and crowds would be extremely overwhelming to him. Maybe someday...

The Mets have been extremely generous to the Autism community over the past few years, in terms of giving various schools and organizations free tickets, which those organizations could then sell, and keep the proceeds. Our school, Eden II Programs, has benefited, and also makes it a point to send a contigent of 100+ staffers, students and parents. We chose to purchase our own tickets as we are picky about our seats (yeah, I know, we're snobs) instead of sitting with the school, but we were able to chose to pay a higher group ticket price with a portion going back to the school.

So we will be there sporting our matching MickeyMets jerseys (what, too geeky??) and our autism ribbon pins. Follow the link above to order your own tix. Come on, you know you want to.

See you there!!

Birthday Brunches and Big Green Men

2010-04-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

Twice a year, our family gets together for a group birthday party. Half of us celebrate in the spring, the other half in the fall. Works out well, actually, as distance and busy schedules keep us from gathering more frequently. Today was the day our family celebrated for the spring chickens, which meant that I broke out the OJ and hosted a brunch (even though I am one of the birthday chickens!). I've discussed my cooking issues before but have found brunch to be an easy one. Hard to mess up pancakes and bacon! I even attempted a banana bread which turned out surprisingly well.

Best part of the day: For my birthday, I received tickets for not one but two Mets games! So we will be storming Citifield after all...despite hubby's anger at the Wilpons.

As for the Big Green Men, hubby's ultra-competitive, uber-serious men's fastpitch softball team, the season has begun. Which means good-bye to him every other weekend till September. Kinda makes me feel like the wife of a major league manager. 'Cept without the money. And fame. Or any other perks, for that matter (although I do get the appreciation of young New Zealand & Canadian players who crash on my couch from time to time, while awaiting flights out of Newark). For those who know us, you know this ain't no beer league, and the cost for this team, in both time and money, is significant (thank God for sponsors!). Just call hubby the George Steinbrenner of fastpitch. As for the Big Green Men moniker, the origins are top-secret. I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

So this one's for you, my dear: Go Gremlins! No, really. Go. Podunk, Pennsylvania awaits you.

Till next time!!

Bounce for Autism!

2010-04-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

The Autism Society of America will be holding a "Pump it Up" fundraiser, being held on April 22. We all know how essential the support of organizations like Autism Society is, as they have been at the forefront of raising money for research, services and advocacy, long before our government took notice of this epidemic. Autism Society of America is a parent-driven organization with local chapters across the country. In New York, there is a chapter in Brooklyn.

Follow the links for more information on locations of the Pump it Up fundraiser, and on the mission and goals of the Autism Society of America.

New York Area Families ‘Bounce’ to Support Autism Awareness, Research

Pump It Up Locations in New York City Participate in Nationwide Fundraising Efforts to Benefit the Autism Society

NEW YORK, NY – On April 22, 2010, local families will bounce, slide, and jump at Pump It Up locations throughout New York City to raise funds for autism and celebrate National Autism Awareness Month. Pump It Up, the nation’s largest franchise of indoor, inflatable playgrounds, is taking part in the nationwide fundraising efforts on behalf of the Autism Society throughout the month of April. The New York facilities are part of more than 150 Pump It Up franchises across the country hosting ‘Bounce for Autism’ events. For a suggested donation to the Autism Society, families will enjoy open play time on the giant, inflatable structures that stand nearly two stories high. Pump It Up will also offer Puzzle Ribbon sponsor cards throughout the entire month of April with a recommended donation. All proceeds will benefit the Autism Society.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in every 110 children is diagnosed with autism (up from one in every 150 in 2007) and one in every 70 boys is affected. The Autism Society estimates that approximately 1.5 million Americans have an autism spectrum disorder, and according to the US Department of Education, it is growing at a rate of 10 – 17 percent per year. Autism is a complex neurodevelopmental condition that typically appears during the first two years of life and affects a person’s ability to communicate and interact with others. Autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors and is a “spectrum disorder” that affects individuals differently and to varying degrees. There is no known single cause for autism, but increased awareness and funding can help families today.

For more information about Bounce for Autism, please visit http://www.bounceforautism.org/.

About Pump It Up

A clear leader in the active children’s party industry, Pump It Up is the nation’s largest franchise of indoor inflatable playgrounds specializing in private parties for birthdays, and other programs like corporate events, school outings, field trips and other events. Trained staff provides guests with supervision, food and beverage set-up, and clean-up services. Pump It Up is headquartered in Tempe, AZ with more than 160 locations across the country. For more information about Pump It Up, please visit http://www.pumpitupparty.com/.

About the Autism Society

The Autism Society is the nation’s leading grassroots autism organization and was founded by parents in 1965. The organization’s mission is to improve the lives of all affected by autism. We do this by increasing public awareness about the day-to-day issues faced by people on the spectrum, advocating for appropriate services for individuals across the lifespan, and providing the latest information regarding treatment, education, research and advocacy. For more information, visit http://www.autism-society.org/.

"You're Going to Disney?? Again??

2010-04-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, we did. Again. Blame it on hubby, although I have stopped fighting him whenever he goes on one of his *I can't take my life anymore must plan a Disney trip* tangents. Three trips in four months, two of which involved driving 18 hours, each way. So, a quick recap of all trips in one, easy-to-read summary:

The obligatory medical crisis was had by none other than me, during trip two. An allergic reaction gone haywire necessitated a midnight call to 911 and a fun few hours in the ER. I must say, the EMT's and medical staff down there are just as nice as they are in Disney proper.

Trip one saw us having Christmas dinner at Shula's steakhouse in the Dolphin, hubby's favorite restaurant, where the now-infamous Battle of the French Fries occured. Son is extremely obsessive about his food, and will not eat anything on their menu. So fries were requested, and were denied. Father-in-law jumped into the fray and won the fries, as he wins most battles with service people. Shy, he is not.

Umm...hubby? There is no bus service from Fort Wilderness to the Magic Kingdom, and our waiting for 30 minutes for a bus did not change this fact.

Between all three trips, we stayed at the Wilderness Lodge, Fort Wilderness, the Boardwalk (both the Inn and the Villas), Bay Lake Tower and a private rented home. We are tired of moving.

The service at the ESPN Zone at the Boardwalk was terrible. So was the Mets game we watched there during trip three.

Sitting in the private lounge atop Bay Lake Towers during trip three, sipping a cocktail while the fireworks explode above us was definitely a highlight.

So was Jico, the restaurant at Animal Kingdom Lodge (trip three). Great steaks! Great zebratinis! Lots o' alcohol in them drinks...

The Osborne lights at Hollywood studios at Christmas (trip one) were amazing.

Beautiful daughter has now flown by herself for the first time during trip one. Brave girl!

Absolute best moment of all trips: The moment we drove onto the grounds, first day of trip three, our amazing son points at direction sign and says "Hollywood Studios!" A bit garbled due to his articulation issues but omg!! Unprompted, spontaneous speech! We nearly cried. This is why we go to Disney so often.

Till next time!

Mets Fans as Masochists

2010-03-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

The good news... Today is the first day of actual baseball at Mets spring training. The bad news, see previous.

Back in October, I was talking World Series with a co-worker and our supervisor. Both are Yankee fans (of course!) and when I expressed my pain at the whole event they both looked at me with equal parts horror and pity. Oh dear, a Mets fan! My supervisor, a most brilliant clinician and renowned therapist, immediately offered up this nugget: Are Mets fans masochists? Cause why else would you root for a team that always loses?

Good question. Why do we do it?

A quick survey of the Mets blogosphere and twitterworld reveals this fact: Most of us were born this way. We were taught that rooting for the Mets was what one did as a baseball fan. Our parents (well, fathers, mostly) were fans; our uncles, our favorite teacher, the guy down the street. Yankee fans were probably brought up the same way (except those that jumped on the WS bandwagon). We're adults now, however. Why not switch allegiances? Wouldn't it be easier? As @HappyRecap puts it, "Why I remain (a Mets fan) is still a question". Are we addicted to the agony of being disappointed year after year?

A masochist is defined as someone who "chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure and/or mistreatment..." Hmmm, sound familiar? We could debate this endlessly, and in fact, it may be a good subject for a research paper (are you listening, professional student and published scholar brother of mine?) "The Sociological Masochism of Mets Fans". Has academic potential, don't you think?

OK. So whatever the reason, here we are again. Spring is around the corner, baseball is under way, and we are once again filled with hope, despite all logic. My consolation thought is this:

We could be Cubs fans.

Till next time!

You Can Take The Girl Out Of NY...

2010-02-07T15:08:00.001-08:00

As the Super Bowl gets underway, I am reminded of a moment which occurred three weeks ago on my solo trip to New Orleans. I fell in love with the city the moment I stepped off the plane, and was thrilled to meet up with my brother, sister-in-law and mom (and baby Caia!). My foodie sister-in-law insisted that one of our first stops be at the famous Cafe Du Monde for French pastries. She warned me ahead of time that they do not sell tea (I am a snobbish tea drinker and do not drink coffee) but that the hot chocolate was excellent.

So off we went. The place is open 24 hours and is always jammed. We got an order to go, and as sister-in-law handed me a beignet I exclaimed "Oh! It's a zeppole! Like the ones we used to get at Pizza Town!" She looked horrified, while my brother laughed.

Raise your hand if you grew up in Brooklyn, Queens or Staten Island and know what a zeppole is.

Let's Go Saints!

Been Such a Long Time...

2010-01-09T19:46:00.001-08:00

How time flies! I can't believe it's been nearly three months since my last post. Poor little blog, I apologize. So a recap of our latest happenings...

So much went on in that time, beginning with Thanksgiving, which was, as usual, held at our house. Every year the number of guests grows. This year I fed 23. Yikes! I am by no stretch a good cook (a black sheep of the family, especially since I am related to these guys - imagine having a NY Times-profiled foodie at your table??) but, by assigning out some dishes to others, I managed. Cooking stress aside, it's always great to have family over. Seeing the little ones that we don't often get to, hearing the same old funny stories. Never gets old.

It was then off on a whirlwind X-mas season, shortened for us as we were heading down to Orlando for 10 days of Mickey. This meant that all gifts had to be purchased, wrapped and delivered by the 18th. Gifts for Chris' teachers and other staff, which always take precedence and which constitute a large chunk of my budget each year, were easily completed with gift cards and candy. I am a firm believer of treating his professionals as well as I can afford to, as they are underpaid, overworked and, in the case of his particular team, worth their weight in gold.

Our kids' gifts were small, as we were taking them to Disney, for heaven's sake. Enough is enough! We celebrated X-mas with my family on the 11th, as we were all scattering for the holiday. No seeing our new neice for her first x-mas! So sad. Hubs' parents did come down with us, though, and we met up with some family members who live in that area. Fun!

Speaking of which, what a great and magical trip! We are made fun of by our friends due to our frequent trips there, and our refusal to vacation anywhere else. Fact is, there is nowhere else that our son would rather be. He is treated with respect and kindness by the staff, other guests and especially, Mickey himself. It is no secret among the autism community that Disney is the place to be for as stress-free a vacation as is possible, with good reason. Love you, Mickey! And love you, dear hubby, for your hard work in making all these wonderful trips possible. He does all the planning, right down to the dinner reservations.

Since then it's been business as usual. I seem to be making a name for myself as a therapist, and am being specifically requested by new clients. Needless to say, my supervisors are pleased. Wish they were pleased enough to give me a raise, though. And our beloved Jets have made it into the playoffs. Wow. And as of four hours ago, won their first game. What's this? A welcome celebration after three years of extreme Mets disappointments.

So much more to tell, but sleep is needed. Till next time!

XOXO

OK, I'll Play Along... An Interesting Meme

2009-11-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

Being fairly new to non-sports blogging, I find myself drawn to the idea of passing around questions. I read many blogs that are written by people who lead very different lives than I do; it is all part of the master plan to live outside autism! It is interesting to note that there are some commonalities among us despite our differences.
Recently I found myself in the midst of a particularly bad day. Nothing terrible had happened, I was just cranky and tired. So to push myself through the rest of the day without seriously pissing anybody off with my attitude (such as hubby) I began to think about the little things that make me happy. Nothing expensive or difficult to obtain, just events/moments that put a smile on our face. So here is my meme; those I have tagged will appear at the end:

10 Little Things That Make You Happy

10. A Venti Awake tea from Starbucks

9. Watching the Richmondtown ducks cross the road, and stopping traffic in the process

8. An evening out with my favorite MACs (mothers of autistic children)

7. My daughter's excitement over a great test grade

6. A Mets win

5. My son's giggle

4. An hour-long phone conversation with an old friend

3. An unexpected babysitting offer

2. My husband's ability to make me laugh

1. Watching my kids play together

So, to JGIWC, Soup to Nuts, Sunshine in the City, Tara's Blog and Ms. Private, tag! (If you've already done something similar, my apologies...but do it anyway! :)

Love,
Jo

New York, New York...

2009-10-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

It finally happened! Our long-awaited anniversary getaway to Manhattan. Not such a big deal, when you consider that we live fifteen miles away from Times Square, but it may as well be a different world. I'm shocked that we never thought of doing this before, as it keeps us in close proximity to the kids and eases the nagging worry we suffer from whenever we go away without them. Plus we get to play the role of Superior Native to all those tourists who stand in the middle of Broadway and gawk at all the big buildings and bright lights (that's one reason why we love Disney so much; everyone's a tourist). A quick summary of the weekend:

1. My husband and I, being Superior Natives of NYC, are genetically incapable of strolling. The sterotypical city dweller, who has Important Places to go and must get there NOW; well, that's us. Even while walking the 8th Ave street fair, with no time frame or particular place to be, we walked quickly. Next time, we'll do our best to stop and smell the roses.

2. After more than 20 years in law enforcement, my husband has lost none of his cop-senses. As I leaned forward to examine a table full of David Yurman knock-off jewelery (why yes, I did buy a necklace!) my pocketbook gaped open and the lovely lady behind me was verrry interested in what was inside. My quick-thinking man elbowed her aside and pressed himself next to me and my inviting bag. He told me later he briefly thought of allowing her to reach in, then "taking her down" but the thought of all the ensuing bureaucratic drama that accompanies an arrest changed his mind. And yes, I did get scolded for not closing my bag properly.

3. Being a fantasy geek, I thoroughly enjoyed Radio City's screening of The Lord of the Rings (1st movie) accompanied by a full, live orchestra, vocalists and all. Our friends were also suitably impressed, and agreed that Tolkein's saga is the greatest story ever written (it may be that the bottles of wine we had consumed helped that opinion along)

4. After 21 years of marriage, my husband can still make me laugh so hard I am gasping. Can you buy me a scarf, baby?

So happy anniversary, love. I am looking forward to the next 21 years!

Good News, Bad News

2009-09-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

Having neglected to actually write down any of the 10 or so blog posts that are floating in my head (you actually have to sit in front of a keyboard and make your fingers move, did you know?) I thought this would be a fun way to summarize our lives, of late. Maybe this little exercise will allow me to get my head on straight, with all the confusion in our household of late. So here goes!

Good News: The Jets and their new pretty-boy quarterback won their first game in impressive fashion.

Bad News: The Mets are now officially out of contention (WAAAH!!!)

Good News: The Mr and I will be playing tourists in our own city for our anniversary, as we stay in Manhattan for two nights while the in-laws watch the kids!

Bad News: The hotel we're staying at is...a Holiday Inn Express (but honey, I have points! We're staying for free!)

Good News: During said weekend, we will attend a Broadway musical (Rock of Ages), lunch at Alice's Tea Cup, and enjoy dinner at BLT Prime (thanks to Jersey Girl for the recommendation).

Bad News: The above will happen on "my" day, Saturday. "His" day, Sunday, we will spend hopping from one sports bar to another, watching football (just kidding, honey, you know I'm happy to do it)

Good News: School has officially begun! The kids are finally back to having structured, productive days after a rather lazy summer.

Bad News: School has officially begun. This means conflicting bus schedules, projects, homework, parent association meetings, class dues, tuition payments, fundraisers, etc.......

Good News: My mother is planning a major party to celebrate five years of remission from stage three non-hodgkin's lymphoma. For those of you with any knowledge of cancer, you know the five-year remission mark is a big one, as it means the odds of being forever "cured" increase dramatically.

Bad News: As part of the upcoming celebration, her appendix decided to become inflamed and infected, sending her to the hospital in the middle of the night for emergency surgery. Well, as my brother so sensitively put it, it's one less organ we have to worry about. She is home and recovering well.

So that's us, in a nutshell. Now off to work, errands, laundry, meetings...

Been such a long time...

2009-08-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

What a poor excuse for a blog writer I am. It seems that to consider yourself one, you have to actually write your blog. Sigh! So, since I am apparently too busy to do much of this lately, I will sum up our lives in a few short sentences.

*Sob* We are grieving for the Mets.

Husband is busy wrapping up softball season.

Daughter is busy socializing, not making her way through her summer reading list like she should be.

Son is fighting off swimmer's ear, fungus infections, and GI issues. As usual, as long as he is not actively in pain, he is his normal sweet, cuddly self.

I am finding my way in my new/old career as a clinical social worker. That means psychotherapy, for those of you who have often wondered what social workers did. I know I have often wondered this myself, and I have been in the field nearly 20 years (ha). It's strange, feeling unsettled and unsure of yourself at this age, when one should be confident and competent. Thank heavens I have good, patient supervisors, who are available to guide me through the "OMG, I don't know what I'm doing!" moments. And not laugh too hard when I screw up in particularly funny ways.

So that's us, of late, in a nutshell.

Be back soon! (or later)

And Time Goes By...

2009-07-01T18:27:00.000-07:00

Here in the Northeast, we had the worst spring ever recorded (in my opinion). Cold, wet weather that lasted well into June, which is usually pool time around here. Now that it's July 1st, I am finally working to get our pool into shape, as our poor son is having withdrawals. He grabs his bathing suit, sunscreen, and a towel and heads for the backyard, and I have the horrible task of informing him the pool is "broken". Poor kid. The water offers him so much by way of sensory imput, the kind he not only tolerates, but loves. Thank God (once again) for his teacher, who is happy to take him to her house for an afternoon of swimming.

So as I start a new job, work on the backyard, juggle my daughter's increasingly demanding social schedule (she is, after all, now 14 and prefers the company of friends to that of dear old Mom) and manage our boys' always busy therapy-teaching schedule, I find myself wondering: Will Jenny McCarthy just shut up already?

I know, why am I obsessing about her when our lives are so busy? And why am I bringing it up here, when the topic is already exhaustively covered by about a million other media outlets? I can't help it. My opinion is just that, mine and mine alone, and I don't expect anyone else to agree/disagree or even care. I just need to vent about it. I think she's wrong and an idiot, to boot. I could go into a pile of reasons for my feeling, but won't - again, these reasons are discussed, far better than I can discuss them, elsewhere. I am just sick of the media adoration of a woman who happens to look good and has proclaimed herself to be an expert on autism, because she happens to be a parent of an autistic child.

So enough of that. I will now resume my regularly scheduled life of caring for my children, my husband, my clients and my addicted-to-losing NY Mets. Not to mention that damn pool.

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

So I'm writing my Examiner page the other day, about Father's Day, and I realize there is so much more I want to say about the subject of being a father to a special needs kid, but can't, in that forum. Even further, I realize that what I want to say is going to be sappy and sentimental, like so much written about Father's Day. And as much as I tend to get impatient with sap and sentiment, this time I don't care. He deserves it.

We know how hard it is to parent a special needs kid, and that having a child with autism comes with its own unique brand of difficulty, in that emotion and affection can be practically non-existent. Imagine your child never telling you he loves you. Excruciating. A huge part of being a parent is that feeling of being loved and needed, of having someone in your life who thinks the sun rises and sets on you. That's a pretty powerful emotion, and one of the reasons the human race is not extinct (ask any mother if they'd go through pregnancy and childbirth just for the heck of it, and you'll have your answer on that!)

I have met so many fathers of autistic children, both as a parent and as a professional. Some were wonderful, supportive men, who loved their children unconditionally. Some were struggling with the issues, and were not always present or supportive. Still others are completely absent, as these men simply cannot handle the job. Those that we know who have stuck around, who have been good fathers who simply love their families, no matter what, are to be treasured, as we all know the divorce rate among parents of special needs kids is much higher than for the rest of the population.

As for my own husband, he is, quite simply, the best father I have ever known. Of course I'm biased! But any man who says to his sobbing, grieving wife when she receives that dreaded phone call (you know the one - "we think your son has autism"), "I don't care what his diagnosis is. He's my son, and I love him just the way he is" is a man who is beyond compare. This big, tough guy, who polices NYC for a living and can scare anyone with a glare, treats his son like he was a precious treasure. The son who will never play centerfield for the Mets (he bought the baby a tiny baseball mitt when he was 5 days old), who will never beg to be taken to a ballgame, who will never be all the things my huband envisioned when he learned we were having a boy, it doesn't matter. This boy is his son, and that is all he needs to know to love him more than he loves life itself.

So from the three of us to you, sweetheart. You are the best, and we love you. Thank God for you.

P.S. Your daughter - the one who is growing up way too fast? She can't wait for her graduation trip to Disney - the one you alone are taking her on. Because she wants to spend time with her beloved father too!

Love you!!!

"You Should've Been a Teacher..."

2009-06-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

March 19, 2010 - found this post I had started last summer - better late than never!

Yes, thanks, Mom. Perhaps I should have stuck with my original plan of becoming an elementary school teacher. Heaven knows, teachers are essential, committed members of our child-rearing system. A good teacher is worth his/her weight in gold, and they don't receive our thanks and appreciation often enough.

So maybe I made a mistake. As I fight a war with my former agency (really, is it so hard to pay someone for the work they have done for you?) and question whether I am sick of being at the bottom of the human-services totem pole (master's degree from a prestigious university does not automatically equal a stellar career, did you know?) I began to think back to some of my highlights, and lowlights, of a career spent in casework - out in the field, in the trenches, as it were. Some of the memories were...funny. So funny I sat laughing to myself for a good fifteen minutes before I remembered I was supposed to be wallowing in self-pity and regret for a poor life choice.

So I'll share a moment here, in the hopes of clearing my mind and enabling me to make a decision about how I'm going to spend the next twenty years of my employed life:

Working in Brooklyn for an HMO (shutter!) I went to visit a new patient. The 82 year-old had recently lost his wife, and I anticipated a session filled with grief work, while I attempted to get the paperwork done. Well, this grieving widower had other ideas. He leaned over not ten minutes into the visit, put his hand on my knee (I was wearing a shortish skirt, natch) and told me he was needing a wife. Would I be interested? He could offer me money.

Thank heavens I had worn my wedding rings that day (I often left them at home, as wearing diamonds while visiting extremely poor neighborhoods is generally not a good idea) and was able to let him down gently, while removing his hand from my upper thigh, where it had traveled.

So, this is my career in a nutshell. Getting hit on by 82 year-old men. How could I give this up?

Till next time!

A Day in the Life

2009-06-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

...of a teenager!

Yesterday was our daughter's 8th grade senior prom. Yes, I know, they didn't have 8th grade proms back in my day, either. Anyway, with her mother suffering from a horrible case of the flu (no, not the swine flu) and an upper respiratory infection, my poor girl did not get the attention the day deserved. We brought her to the salon for an updo, which, after $75 and an hour and a half, she decided she did not like. Nor did she like the mani-pedi. The phone conversation went something like this:

Daughter: momwhenareyoucominghomeidon'tlikemyhair
OMGihavetogetdressedOMGJaneandNickaren'tspeaking
there'sgonnabedramatonite!

Me: What?

Daughter: Aren'tyoulistening?Isaid...

Me: Wait! Please stop. I'm at the doctor, I'll be home as soon as I can.

Daughter: Hurry! Ineedhelp!OMG!

Me (to the doctor): Do you have a pill for teenageritis?

MD: Hahaha! I wish, I'd be rich.

The prom, however, went off without a hitch, with a minimum of drama, wardrobe malfunctions and arguments. My daughter and her friends (most of which she's known since kindergarden) looked so grown up and excited. Their parents and I only cried a little bit. Really, just a little.

This is our Blog.

2009-06-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

What a bizarre title for a blog. I simply could not come up with anything else that accurately described our life, which is not really bizarre, just unusual. Occasionally stressful (well, more than occasionally), sometimes funny, but always filled with love.

This is the story of a family. A typical New York family-of-four, with a civil servant dad, a social worker mom, a boy and a girl. Two cars, a mortgage, grandparents, tuition payments and friends (but no dog). The thing that makes us unusual (although, sadly, it is not so unusual anymore) is that our son has autism. No pity, please. We are among hundreds of families here in our little borough (most of which we know at this point) and hundreds of thousands nationwide. I don't know that a single one of these families look for pity. What they, and we, want more than anything is understanding and acceptance. When we don't get this from the general public, we find it amongst ourselves.

So enough with the speech. The sub-heading in the title is "redefining normal". This is what we have been working towards these past six years since Chris was diagnosed. You may have heard the term. It is offered as advice by friends, family, therapists (I have given it often enough in my work) to anyone who has gone through a major life change. Your "normal" life is not that any longer; you must adjust your thinking as to what normal is. The birth of a baby, marriage, new job, the loss of a spouse or parent. In our journey towards doing this, we have made a conscious effort to continue enjoying the things we have always loved (such as following the Mets) and find new things to love (such as all things Disney). We have refused to stop living; we are changing the way we live. It's that simple (but it's really not!)

So here's hoping that we can find new and interesting ways to live with autism joyfully, by sharing our story with others. And here's hoping that someone will find some hope themselves by seeing that it is possible to live a full, happy life while living with autism. I will not dwell on autism much here, I will occasionally rant about our perennial heartbreakers (the Mets), I will share funny stories about us, our world and all that's in it, and I will discuss our constant longing to be in Disneyworld when we're not.

So please enjoy. Feel free to comment with arguments, agreements and general observations.

See you soon!

Jo